Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships
admin | Jan 28, 2010 | 5 comments
Filed Under: Marriage
Filed Under: Marriage
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Although it’s always worth a try – many, in fact. The difficulty of self help books is that too often, couples find that either one or both are never quite ready for the ultimate fix at the same time, much like the realm of sexual desire. It also happens that despite the fact that it takes two to tango, each may be on a separate platform with the prospect of what is seemingly the grand canyon between them. Since most people can’t fly, the task seems worthy of what might be required of a world class gymnist, or aerial acrobat to arrive together on the same platform, assuming each decides that that location is the ideal place to unite or reunite. If they can overcome gravity, and desire to, the reality may be worth it, but the trip over may well be treacherous, and even defy the odds. In that case, however ideal it may be, this advice may help that prospect, but is, in no event, made for cowards. Hence, it may well be the decision to try to fly by sheer willpower, and one that society doesn’t exactly understand or support, which, of course, encourages the self questioning of whether it is worthy of the extravagant effort. Since only discomfort tends to “move” people, the odds are much like winning the lottery with the extraordinary odds against that probability. But, people try daily to win, don’t they, in hopes of winning the big one?
Rating: 5 / 5
to make time for love while you’re draining the swamp and mothering and careering so I recommend for a look at love read about Elise in Defenders of the Holy Grail and see that it can happen but it is NOT so easy.
Rating: 3 / 5
While the author’s knowledge and ideas are on the plus side, his free use of crude and rude…and just plain filthy…language leaves me wondering why a man with a PhD and the years of experience he has must resort to “gutter talk” to make points about relationships.
Due to this, I found myself unable to share it with my wife and just threw the book in the trash….which is, I’m afraid, where it belongs.
Rating: 2 / 5
I feel like I should write about the issues I have with this book.
I completely understand the point of being differentiated and agree with it. Selfishness is important in regards to maintaining your sense of self. Afterall we all know that we can’t be complete in a relationship if we are not first complete in ourselves.
I mean I remember my mother saying that if you want people to like you then you first need to like yourself – others will follow. And she was right.
That said I don’t like some of the circular thinking I find here. If you don’t compromise then you haven’t addressed all your internal issues so you ae not really differentiated. One of those catch22 that annoys me. What if some people really just are not compatible bc of basic personality types or if one grows in a different direction. Do you continously argue (in a mature fashion)? I mean I understand staying together for children I suppose… but I don’t believe marriage has to be big compromise all the time. If this is true then aren’t you eventually sacrificing your differentiation?
Rating: 3 / 5
There were some interesting ideas presented in this book so it was not a complete loss, but I have to say that if your marriage is far enough down the tubes sexually to read a book like this, I would highly recommend counseling. I thought by reading it that I would be more enlightened sexually, but because my wife was not going through the experience at the same time, asking her to read several chapters didn’t go over very well and likely added to the sexual tension.
I have been married for 13 years and have noticed a significant lull in sexual activity over the last few years since we had our second child. But then I’ve also noticed a decrease in our financial situation, an increase in home and job stress and a number of the other factors that are not conducive to foreplay which usually begins about 30 minutes after my wife goes to sleep from exhaustion.
The very thing I learned from this book is exactly NOT what the writer would have intended. In our sexually driven society, you have to ask yourself a question, “What was life like before sex was shoved at us from nearly all possible directions?”
I have found time and time again, that delaying sexual gratification in marriage is what really gets the sparks going in bed. Believe it or not, less is more when it comes to sex. Most men do not understand that fantasizing, individual sexual activity, staring at other women, surfing for porn etc., all add up to problems with trust in a relationship, and whether you realize it or not, women sense these animosities at a higher degree than you realize (don’t you women?). Sexual deviance whether you like it or not, subtracts directly from your marriage and places the blame for marital problems, right back in your own lap.
The longer you delay sexual gratification (i.e., 2-3 weeks) and the less sexual activity you engage in, the more powerful your relationship will become and although I can’t explain it here in words, but things happen in bed that far exceed any fantasy you could ever conjure up. It’s not easy to do and requires a great deal of self-discipline, but if you have tried all the other phony sex books out there and still find yourself coming up empty handed, this method will light your fire every time and bring with it a new sense of love and trust in your marriage. Don’t worry, the withdrawal symptoms won’t kill you and you’ll be thankful you tried.
Rating: 3 / 5